During the early years in school you often wonder what the future holds, that ideal job, luxury car and almost certainly imagined that perfect wedding! We often have discussions with friends about the future and most expect to be married and settled by age 25, have around 2-3 kids, live in a huge house with enough rooms to keep everyone happy.
However in reality this isn’t always the case! You often find life doesn’t always pan out the way you hoped. In reality you get caught up with more important matters like earning money, getting educated or simply travelling the world. You never sit around waiting for that special person to enter your life before pursuing your dreams. Thought of marriage becomes secondary and you adopt the approach of “it will happen when it happens”.
Its only when you realise time has passed by, your job or lifestyle in general has kept you more occupied than expected, that your still not married and hitting the 30 mark that reality check kicks in. It’s at this stage you slow down and make that decision to find marriage and settle down. But how do you start the process of getting married? How do you inform others you are looking to settle down, you’ve been off the radar for almost 5-10 years!
That trusted aunty who hitched up most of your cousins and family may also have moved on! You then ask yourself “Do I leave it to my parents or family members”? Will they find the right person, how long will that take, shall I wait until it happens, and surely it will? Eventually? Common worries faced by many with no obvious solution or support. As the saying goes “if you want to achieve success in life you have to strive and be proactive, set yourself goals and go out there and get it”. But is finding a marriage partner any different?
Muslim Marriage events.
There are several Muslim marriage events held in the UK aimed at finding love and marriage. The question that crosses most minds is whether these speed dating style events indeed work and for others whether they are at all halal. This really depends on your level of religious belief and whether free mixing is allowed in these circumstances. But that aside, what they set out to do is find likeminded individuals looking for marriage and connect them, which it does very well. It provides a meeting place to get people looking for marriage together. Some will argue it is open to abuse and why on earth would I want my daughter/sister chatting to 50 random men in a day, when the likelihood is that she won’t even consider marrying 90% that turned up.
You always find that Bollywood looking guy/girl that take centre stage and divert all the attention off others in the room. The average Joe sitting in the same room may well be the perfect match for you but will never get that look in or time when you’ve seen the best! You may argue that had they met on a one to one introduced basis you might find more time and attention being spent on the individual without distractions.
Open mixed environments are not comfortable settings for some especially females. The thought of being on display amongst 40-50 guys may not go down well and even put people off from attending.
The intention behind the event is to ensure all candidates get to see and speak to almost every person who attends. Again out of the 40 or 50 in the room you may find you only really want to talk further with 1 or 2 at the most based on what you now know about them and their views on marriage. So it can be argued that talking to the entire audience is actually a waste of time and in fact just a mass gathering for making social connections.
However, on the other hand that’s exactly what these events are about to meet and speak openly with others with a view of marriage and until you talk you cannot ascertain whether that person is suitable.
Take for example a perfect CV’s with glowing credentials and qualifications, your convinced this persons right for the job. However, upon meeting face to face you immediately have your decision made based on the personality, appearance, stance, approachability which simply does not come across on paper.
Sometimes face to face interaction and hearing people’s views on life and even feeling the chemistry leads to marriage rather than your criteria list being ticked off against.
Nevertheless this is a valid route for searching and should be pursued if you’re confident when talking to others in a group environment. If not there is an alternative which I we will come to later that really works and has helped many find happiness and which I’m passionate about.
There are numerous methods available out there aimed at getting you married, just remember it is you that has to make the final decision to settle down. You need to think long and hard when to make that crucial decision and when to stop looking at more options, which you may have done for many years. You need to convince yourself that perfection is not just round the corner, instead compromise to some extent and work with what you currently have to build your ideal future. This may well be the hardest part of the marriage process, making that decision to commit and move forward!
PROBLEMS WITH INTERNET SITES
The Unknown – too many people to choose from more is not merrier and not the answer. Idea of talking to total strangers is always a worry and the internet has its fair share. Numerous stories of fake profiles and simply having no interest in marriage but to have fun seem to be high on the rise. Above all it attracts time wasters, people who are happy to indulge in pointless chat rooms and conversations to pass time.
These sites are usually geared towards texting, getting to know each other through private rooms, ability to have multiple conversations on the go…sorry but if you want chat rooms awesome you’re in the right place. If you want to get married get out!
Focus on 1 or 2 individuals – read their profiles, see their pics as I can guarantee you, once you have seen you will have made up your mind to pursue further or to drop all communication there are then.
Don’t be stuck on the net wasting precious time, you want straight forward talking “here’s your list of candidates”, narrow them down, filter what interests and suits your lifestyle and appeals to you and pursue 100% with the ones that match.
The site which I’ve seen has this ethos www.hgmb.co.uk.
Their focus is clear, select 1 person, read their profile, see photo then have your 1 to 1 meetup. Then perform istaharah (An amazing and powerful tool to help decision making – will elaborate further) and allow some time to reassess and make choice.
I can guarantee you success using the above principles, why am I so confident, because it’s been tried and tested with friends and family for years.
Only difference now is the aunty has gone online to help far more people. She can’t be there in person dealing with individuals on a one by one basis. She understands theres many more out there looking to get hooked up! She has since embraced the World Wide Web to bring this service to you and make the whole process so much simpler.
- Step 1 – Inform Aunty HGMB you are looking (Register your details)
- Step 2- Aunty HGMB puts out the word your available and inform her connections
- Step 3 – Interested singles hear about you and get in touch through Aunty (HGMB) with their details to see if you match and would like to pursue further.
- Step 4 – Pass photo to Aunty (HGMB) to show propective match
- Step 5 – If both approve – exchange contact details.
- Step 6 – Invite Aunty to your wedding (Seriously you need to otherwise she will continue to keep finding you marriage partners thinking your single)
We want to hear the success stories and we want your views on improving the process and making it more streamlined.
More importantly this should be the way forward for all single muslims looking seriously to settle down, with confidence in a system that only wants to connect people for the right reasons. If you want to meet people to chat and make friends, theirs always shaadi.com and many more geared towards a chat room theme.
We have so much confidence in this system and believe if approached correctly you will have found that special person within 1-3 months and that’s actually stretching it. We prefer people not to be registered longer than 3 months as we don’t need numbers we need marriages, so active people registering, searching, being searched and finally getting married.
So how does HGMB work…Lets break this down into 3 simple steps
- Login in www.hgmb.co.uk
- Register your details
Remember no personal details are visible you will see the top section relates to you and is NOT visible to anyone but ADMIN.
3. Section 2 is your profile – remember make this as detailed as possible as the others will only have this to make a decision upon pursuing further or simply cutting it short.
A few examples would be:
OFFLINE MARRIAGE BUREAU
There is also an offline process available if you want to completely stay internet free. Open Sat and Sun via appointment and is a perfect opportunity to drop in, chat and tell us your requirements. However this seems to be available through contacting firstname.lastname@example.org
After checking the site you too will be adding your details to find your match…after all what you got to lose? More importantly you’re actively placing yourself at the forefront and increasing you chances of marriage. It’s a win win and until you register there’s no point thinking about who will be in touch. That’s the beauty of it all you now have a safe environment on which you can openly discuss your marriage requirements.
“I discovered a long time ago that if I helped enough people get what they wanted. I would always get what I wanted”
So this really is setup purely for you guys to use and hopefully find successful marriages. But equally use this facility to help others find marriage.
Getting bogged down with the problem
We encounter many hurdles in life but don’t focus on the problems instead put your energy in finding the solutions. It’s easy to talk about the lows in your life but that simply takes you down further. Instead set goals and move forward.
One of the best statements I ever read was
“You never get remembered for something you were going to do, but for the things you actually done”
Sometimes people simply need a little persuasion to get moving. This is my motivation to get people married. With over 7 billion people in this world and increasing I find it hard to believe someone may never have been married before their last day.
You only have to look at some couples and realise that it’s not all about attraction, I’ve seen some real miss matches which leave me baffled, but they are truly happy! So who am I to judge every persons needs are different and even the choice in marriage.
So don’t kick yourself if you lack a doctor’s qualification, or those Bollywood looks together with perfect pitch singing voices, as people are out there looking to settle without looking for these particular qualities. (However, being able to break out from a low point in your life into an adrenalin pumped song and dance does have its plus points it shows your resilient!). Respect that everyone is different and good looks and wealth may mean a lot to some not necessarily the focal point for others. Your focus should be on points that attract you.
When making that crucial decision don’t look at vast number of people, that choice is made much clearer when dealing with 1 or 2 individuals. You heard the expression “It’s never the quantity but the quality “well the same applies when searching for marriage – Too many conversations with different people will leave you confused.
Use this time wisely, don’t expect the next event or another site to have that perfect person waiting. That can be found here and now.
HOW LONG DO WE LIVE FOR?
What’s this have to do with marriage I hear you say? Well let’s step back for a second and delve deeper into this often difficult answer. They say men live to an average age of roughly 66 just slightly older for woman around 70. Now let’s put that into perspective, how old are you now 25, 35 or maybe 45? That gives you 41 years to live your life if you got married at that ripe age of 25. Enough to see your kids grow up maybe see them go through university, get married and hopefully see some grandkids along the way. Now what if you didn’t get to see your grand kids, or see your own kids get married or maybe even become adults as you simply ran out of time! At 45 you still have plenty of life left in you to enjoy life and its pleasures but it becomes far more limited.
Its only when you reflect on the time you actually have left those crucial decisions in life become that much more important. You can pursue everything else in life at any given time but marriage is one which should be featured at the right time to ensure the rest of your life falls into place.
Woman’s biological clocks is always ticking as they grow older and when you get closer to the 40 year mark chances of having your own child get cut drastically.
Obviously we all know in the back of our heads that we need to get married but sometimes it’s just needs that gentle push in the right direction to get going.
Apologies for dropping the cheery mood so to help raise your spirits I have put together a recipe for homemade brownies. Not any old brownies but “the best brownies in the whole wide world” as described by my 2 year old and she’s had her fair share to be the best judge!
It’s time to get serious, next post will take you that step closer to marriage!